"You dont need me.... ; you only want me which to me carries more value. I feel I am extra special to you. You have everything you need, but you still want me. You want me because you value me ... and I am flattered by that"

There are things in life that we need, and there are things that we want. Needs and Wants. Both are used synonimously but theres a slight difference between the two when you go deeper into the meanings. Sometimes the things you want may be the things you need. And not all the things you want are the things you need in the first place. Like the time when you need to change your car tyres. You may not want to spend that much on the new tyres, but you need the tyres, you have to have those tyres changed. But if given a choice, you 'd rather spend those few hundred ringgit on the new Reebok shoes youve been eyeing for months, or that new dri-fit shirt, or that new Nokia hand-phone (I ve lost track of the latest Nokia gadget; they keep coming out with new model every week). The latters are the things you want; they are not the things you need. But because of the urgent needs on those tyres, you have to forgo all your wants.

"I dont need you. My life doesnt depend on you. I can still live and I can keep on going even without you. But I want you by my side. I want you to be the one who holds my hands, that someone whom I can trust, someone I can talk to, someone I can share my every thoughts and my every dreams, someone whos not afraid to love and to be loved. I want you because you accept me for what I am, not for what you want me to be. You believe in me, you care for me and you love me unconditionally. I want you for everything that you are to me ... Its true when I said my life doesnt depend on you, but when you re not there ... my heart will always long for you ......... "

If you dont have anything nice to say, just shut up.

How true indeed..................

Almond London Biscuits and Cashew Nuts Sugee are killing my diet. So are the Keropok at Makcik Zaharah's house, Mak Lang's nasi minyak, Wa's ketupat and of course Mak's Nasi Tomato and her Tom Yams ... they are all trying to sabotage my diet !
I have been eating and eating and eating and this is not a good sign. The whole one months of "holy diet" are washed off in just two days.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL.... !!!

Idul Fithru is not the same anymore when you are an adult. It was a must to have at least two sets of new clothes, one is a baju kurung and the other a dress or at least a new jeans/pants with a shirt. New shoes too, of course and sometimes Mak would also buy a us a 'hari raya' pyjama for the nite before raya.

And as an incentive, we were promised RM 1 for every day that we fast during Ramadhan, and the money would be paid as 'duit raya' on the first day of Raya. And RM30 was quite a lot for a kid like me . Its been disputed, in the news paper the other day, whether kids should be paid for their fasting efforts. It has pros and cons, but I think, why not; if only you look at it as an incentive. Yes, there are kids, then, who would not fast if theres no promise of money, but its up to the parents to explain the whole concept of Ramadhan.

I didnt know what Ramadhan was all about when I first started to fast but the money sounded good to me somehow. Abah and Mak stopped giving us the incentive by the time we reached the age of ten, but the fasting never stopped.

I want to thank you Tok for teaching me to read the Quran. She insisted, despite Abah's objection that I was too young, to teach me read the Quran at the age of 5. Tok wanted to start me off early so that by the time I reached Standard 5, the year I had to sit for Penilaian Darjah 5 (now they have UPSR for Standard 6), I would have finished and "khatam" the Quran. Tok and Mak were very strict when teaching us; me, Cik and Syafiq my brother. It was no fun for us as we had to stop playing and reached for the Muqaddam when the other children were still laughing and jumping about outside our house. The reading (of the Muqaddam n Quran) would always ended up with tears. Tok would make us repeat 10 times everytime we made mistake, and most of the times if there were still mistakes, Mak would not hesitate to pinch us. It hurt.

But all was paid off. I finished the Quran when I was only 9, two years earlier than the targetted age for Tok, 11. And by 12 I had finished my second round of reading the Quran.

And Tok still keep the recorded voice of me reading the Muqaddam when I was 5. I was so cute :)

THANK YOU TOK !

I really appreciate your efforts. Only Allah can pay you back for everything you ve done for us.......... I love you.

Aidul Fitri is just around the corner. The town is now packed with all the KL people (mostly) whos back for the festival. The usual 5 minutes time to get to town now takes half an hour. Pacific and City Plaza (the small malls in this small town) have no available parking lots, with the stream of cars keep going in. Pekan Rabu as usual pulls the crowd like mad. I was driving a bit like crazy, trying to push in between the available space along the jamming road, while cK was laughing beside me. Almost all the plates that start with "W" are showing off their driving skills ("W" for cars registered in KL) Hmmm.....


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Love is what You Give ; Not what You expect To Receive ............................. and in giving I learn to receive .

I used to think that I would always be the city girl, living in KL with all the bustling and busy life. After finishing my first degree, not wanting to do my double degree, just yet, I did a few odd jobs here and there. With two of my friends we rented one small apartment. I was working as an editor at that time ... not any editor, editor for one publication editing questions for workbooks. Workbooks for SRP and SPM students. It was no fun.

With a few hundred RM to live by, life was not that easy. I was feeling so lonely and the loneliness was eating me up from inside. My day started at 6.00 and I had to catch the sardine-packed mini bus. The job was not challenging enough for me, I dozed off most of the time. Had to sit at the table from 9-00 to 6-00. There were not many staffs. There was one other girl and I was working under one lady. The job was not for me. After work, I would always drop by at Section 14 PJ walking around aimlessly not wanting to go back to the apartment and face the wall. We had no tv and I had no proper bed. I would read some books and magazines and stare at the wall. My two other housemate were not getting along very well with each other, and one of them was getting married. She was my good friend, and the marriage was so depressing for me. I felt like I was loosing my best friend. Unlike men, once your girlfriends get married, the relationship would somehow start to change. You dont hang around as much and she can never be available as much as you want her to be.

I was suffocated by my life. Lonely and not knowing how to lead my life. Only then I went back to campus and finished my double degree. My lecturer suggested me to go back home and did my practical in my own hometown before going back to KL. Because , he said, once youre back and start working in KL, you would be very busy and you would have not much time for your parents. "Go back now and do your practical there and cherish your time with your parents. Then come back to KL and work like crazy... "

But I never went back.......................................

The other day cKwas asking me "If you have a choice, which country in this world would you like to visit most ?" I took some time to think .. because as I always love beaches and sea and all ... Malaysia has always been my favourite, because I am so sure that our beaches are as beautiful and breathtaking .. just like the ones they have in Maldives.

So back to the question ... I suddenly jumped up with my how-can-I-forget answer ; its JAKARTA . Yes !!! thats it... I always love and I always want to visit Jakarta. Despite all the negatives things theyve been telling me... I'm still dying (yes.. dying) to walk around Jakarta city . I ve been to Medan and Acheh.. and it was eon ago .. when I was still studying. Medan was packed and Acheh was beautiful and clean.

My friends always think that I'm weird. But I have this thing for Indonesia. I love the language, the people and everything about Indonesia. And I was even trying to flirt with one Indonesian student in my campus .. but he just brushed me off *sob* *sob*. Hes from Sulawesi. I also had one good housemate from Aceh, and she looked like Krisdayanti. Really ....!

There was one time when I was hooked on chatting. But I only joined the Indonesia chat room. Palembang. It must sound stupid but I was virtually falling in love with one Palembang guy and I was even thinking of going to Palembang and visist him . Hmmm... ya ya ya I'm crazy... But I cant help it. I still keep in touch through SMS with one of the chatters from #Palembang. Hes married now and we ocassionally sms each other.

And yes the music too ... not the traditional ones.. but you know the groups like DEWA, Jamrud, Padi... they are my favourites. I discovered them long before theyre intoduced here in Malaysia.

And of course cK doesnt like the idea of me going to Jakarta alone. I think hes a bit *jealous* of my fascination ............ hehehe

I am still sluggish but I need to be crazy .........

I really need to go :-

1. to the gym ;
2. swimming;
3. running;
4. jump and jump and jump;
5. Tanah Merah and have fun with the cousins.... hmmmm...

Stress Source : Delights in the tasteful, the gracious, and the sensitive, but maintains her attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off her feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on her emotional relationships as she must know exactly where she stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against her own tendency to be too trusting.

Restrained Characteristic : Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.

Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.

Desired Objectives : Seeks freedom from problems and a secure state of physical ease in which to relax and recover.

Morning Test at ColorQuiz
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In short : Langkawi here I come............................. *splash* *splash*

I feel so sluggish today. Feel like a snail... slowly coming out the shell wriggling itself to work.... Another leaf to finish today. My eyes... my body... uhhh I am the snail. Wait till i get back to the gym after this Ramadan ...
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Got back from KL yesterday morning, by bus. Had to take the bus, rather that the flight. Cant stand the hassles of going to KL Central then off to KLIA with the times I had to waste. I'd rather be spending those few hours finishing my Cinnamon Rolls with Cream Cheese plus the Ice Blended Choclate with my Sis; strolling around the Mall looking for that white cotton panties .... and trying out all the new swim suits ...

And hey I finally drove all the way from my sister's place to the Mall. I always have this fear of driving in KL and not driving in my own car, I was nervous all the way which only made my sister more nervous. I think its because she didnt have much confidence in me. It didnt help my nervous at all. Its true, if people do not have confidence in you, it can shatter your performance. Hmm... whatever lah Sis !
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There's no easy recipe for a long-lasting relationship, but you've found some of the main ingredients. Chemistry is definitely a great foundation. Then you add some trust, communication, and respect. Of course, a dollop of humor and a generous amount of romance make it much more satisfying. There are many more things you can add to make it better, but that depends on the needs of the relationship and the individuals. The two of you have clearly mastered some key elements and seem well on your way to building a loving, long-lasting relationship. If, however, you have some doubts about him, or if this relationship isn't truly what you want, listen to your inner voice. "Forever" shouldn't be taken lightly. Try to explore your fears and concerns thoroughly. And, remember, if he's not "the One", that's okay, because you'll find someone who is even better for you. It's a win-win situation!

!!!!!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS!!!!!!!

Yeap. Its my sister's bday today. heres the message I posted to her blog

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May all your dreams come true .. may you find that special someone , the ONE, who will love you as much as you love him, who will accept you the way you are ; pervert or not , someone who will is kind and yet firm enough to control the wild side of you, one whom you respect, who will guide you all through the ups and downs , one who is not intimidated by you, who can speak fluent English and witty enough to reply your cunning remarks, who has the same level of intellectual that you have and yes I do hope you get one who is physically fit and fitness consciuos to help you in the gym ....... someone that I am so sure is out there waiting, just as eager as you are, to meet you ... insya Allah ... only time and the patience in you will guide you to him !

I love you Sis !
Have a BLASTING Happy Birth Day !
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My one and only Sis .....

I am back ! I am back ! Finally... after so longggg ! I finally manage to pull my fingers to drag the mouse and click and log on to my blog.

I was away... stressed and having a lot of thoughts on EVERYTHING !

Death

I have to admit it myself, its a very touchy and delicate subject. Everybody is aware and knows fully well that we are all heading towards it; death. The final destination. Having growing up in a 'quite' religious family, plus having the a religious education backgroud, I ve heard lots and lots of stories about life after death; the painful experience of having the Izrael (Death Angels) pulling the soul out of your body, the time when your soul floats around having the last look of those loved ones youre leaving behind, the body being bathed etc etc till the time they bring you to the grave. And hence another phase ... the QUESTION and ANSWERING sessions... and ud be left there alone ... alone until the end of the world ... when ud be awaken again to face the COURT when all and every single things u had done in this world would be judged, there would even be sort of big screen where u'd be shown your detail biography, with graphics and nothing is left out ! .............

* I know and I understand * .. but I still cant help it..... *sigh*

Happy Birthday To Me

As far as looks go, most Scorpioettes are exotic and enticing, sultry and seductive. Their eyes will speak volumes, even if they're totally tongue-tied! They can look like the back end of a bus but still folk will flock to them, because they're so marvellously, mesmerisingly magnetic. Once you're ensnared by their enigmatic, elusive and enthralling energy, you won't notice if they have perfect pins or a wooden leg.

There are two women who portray perfectly the stunning stillness of a Scorpio woman cool Katharine Hepburn and glacial Grace Kelly. They have always appeared completely in command of themselves, yet beneath that icy exterior is enough heat to melt the hardest heart.

Ha ha ha ...!
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Oh why oh why does he forget ??? *sob* *sob*