Watched Oprah Show this morning. The topic : "What Happens After the Wedding?". It was an interesting topic. They were talking about how most couples, usually the bride-to-be, who were so caught up with the "moment of their life time" the wedding plan, that they tend to forget the true meaning of the marriage itself. From the moment the proposal was made, the engagement period and untill the wedding day itself, they were like in cloud nine. Only after everythings over and the cakes are all gone, did they realize that they actually have a lot of adjustment to do with their new life.

I once heard someones saying : "The happinness of getting married only last three days". I laughed when I heard it. But I have to agree that there might be some truth in it. When we were younger, we had our own visions of what marriage should be, like fairy tale stories, where the stories would end with " ... and they lived happily ever after". Nobody told us at that time that Cinderella would have to endure the whole of her life with Prince Charming's habit of not putting back the toohpaste cap back after use, nor about her constant fight with the in-laws (as well as the step-sisters who were still on her back).

You may have known your partner as your boyfriend/girlfriend for 10 years, but to actually live with him in the same house and to share the bed, when you used to have the space all for yourself and now to have some sort of tug-of-war for the blanket ...... every nite. For some, even living together before marriage is still not the same as the actual marriage. When you live together theres still a notion at the back of your mind that you still have the chance to escape by just moving out at nite, but after being married, that sort of idea somehow doesnt sound that simple.

Theres also the issue of being married to his family too. You have to accept his family as part of your life now. No matter how bad the mother-in-law is, she is now as good as your mother (even if your mother is slightly worse). The worst case is when you get to marry a mama's boy. Oh no ... no .. no .. no.. youre really heading for trouble if you dont know how to handle it properly. A mama's boy will always be a mama's boy even at the age of 60, you will have a constant struggle to win the man you love. To his mother you re the woman who has taken his baby boy from her. Ohh.. its not a good situation at all ......

One of the panelist in the Oprah Show suggested that you should have a list of questions that both of you and your husband-to-be should answer honestly, before the wedding. I think my the questions would be like :-

1. Are we to have a joint account
2. Who will pay the car and who will pay the house
3. How many times per week should you visit your in-laws
4. How much money can both of you give to your own family, for the sisters/brothers
5. What happens if one of you is attracted to someone else ,
6. Would you accept polygamy ...
7. If you have children what sort of education would you like them to have, the type of school they would go, the sort of discipline you want them to adhere to

Yes all the questions would definitely have the answers, at that particular time. It would not be the same as when you really face the realities, but at least the questions would give you some basic ideas on where your partner stands on certain issues.

I am still single and almost all my friends are married. At the age of 20-25 I used to envy them, for having someone to love and loving them in return. But now, not all of them are "...living happily ever after". Some are divorced, some are having problems and yes some are really happy. I'm not against marriage. I'm not hunting for the potential bridegroom nor am I running from him. I take things as they come. If its meant to be, its meant to. We all have our dreams and hopes, but we cant have everything that we want. Our life after all is destined (oddly somehow by our own choices.......)

"What we shall be is written .........."