Why Polygamy

The majority of women would be ready to beat me up after reading this posting. I have been wanting to write about this for quite sometimes and I think why not now ?


Allah says :-

"If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans,marry women of your choice, two, or three or four; But if you fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one ..... That will be more suitable,to prevent you from doing injustice."

Surah Al-Nisa' 4:3 (translation by Abdullah Yusuf Ali)

This is the main verse for all when discussing polygamy. Oddly enough the verse is used by both who are for and against polygamy, and the big issue is always the question of 'justice'.

If you cannot be just, why marry another ? So, what does 'just' actually mean ? Just or 'adil' in the Islamic definition is 'to put thing in its place'. Just does not mean equal. It is the ability and the simple act of determining which goes to what and how much is enough. If the first wife has only one child, does the husband have to buy her a van just because the second wife owns one (van) because he has 5 children with the second ?

There are men, and yes, I hear you, most men, are at fault when it comes to being just. Not only dont they buy the first wife a car, they dont even bother to give her adequate maintenance to keep that one child. In short, they abandon them totally. That is the lacking in the men, not in the validity of polygamy.

Sisters in Islam always quote this following ayah in support of their stand that man can never be just and thus, polygamy is not permissible because Allah has confirmed so :-

"You are never able to be fair and just as between women,
Even if it is your ardent desire...".

Surah An Nisa 129

That is the verse quoted by them, but they fail to quote the whole of the verse :-

"You are never be able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire; but turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If you come to a friendly understanding, and practise self restrain, god is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful"

Surah An Nisa 129

While admitting that men can never be fair, Allah did mention that even so, men can never leave their wives just like that, as if hanging in the tree. Which means that Allah knows the weakness of men in being fair, but that should not put a stop in trying to be one. Men are still responsible to take care all of his wives, even if he still favours one to others. (Dont we all have our own favourites after all, be it sons and daughters, nieces, teachers ....)

Take for example in Solah (prayer). It is required that one has to be 'khusyu' (solemn concentration) in solah, to really concentrate and not to be swayed in your thoughts and minds to other things. Nobody, nobody in this world can claim that they can be 100% khusyu in their prayers, but just because we can never be 100% khusyu does that mean that we should not perform solah at all?

I have to admit that the issue of polygamy is an emotional one. Emotional for all women, because, whethere we like it or not, women are controlled by their emotions, not always, but most of the times. Emotion is one of the things that makes us different from men, that special something Allah has granted upon and created in women to be part and parcel of our unique characters.

It is hurtful to find your husband of 20 years suddenly marries another. Being hurt is one thing, but to go all out in preventing the legal, is another. Why should a man get the consent of his first wife to get married to another ? Why do we allow such regulation when there is nothing in the Quran or Hadith that says so.

One has to remember of one thing. "Jodoh" or fate. If its meant to be its meant to, if its not, its not. No matter how flirtatious and how much a man wants to marry another, if its not his 'jodoh' it can never be materialized. But then again, the concept of fate and jodoh is another issue.

Sisters in Islam and some of the women, I see for now, are barkinga at the wrong tree. Why are you shouting at the man who marries another when the 'other' woman actually agrees to it. Rather than fighting the right of the man, why not promoting anti-polygamy to the 'other women' who are being branded with names for stealing other women's men.No matter how much you campaign against the law of polygamy, the core of marriage would go down to the consent of both man and woman. If the woman agrees to it, even if she knows right from the start that the man is married, what is there Sisters in Islam can do ? This kind of instance does not only happen in polygamy cases; What is there can you do if a woman agrees to marry a thug or a drug addict?

Marriage is after all a risk, and one goes into a marriage with blind eyes, be it to a single man or a married man.