Thursday, June 24, 2004

White 'Tudung' on MyKad

Ohh... finally they decide that anyone wearing white tudung/scarf or those with white turban can now have their ID with colored background !!!

The reason :

An old chinese lady with white hair complained that she was asked to wear scraf (!) because they cannot change the white/very light blue as the background.

I have not picked my new MyKad yet, simply because I hate my photo on the card. The forgetful me went for my new ID card wearing white tudung and was forced to wear the red veil (apparently available at the office). I couldnt manage the tudung, and the second I sat on the stool *snap* it was done.

The result : Ohhh.. I hate it ! Me in any other color than white is a NO No and I look like a 40 year old makcik !

Friday, June 11, 2004

Nora and the Four 'Mat's

I had a good talk with Nora last night. We were talking about relationships and all, men and women things, when she brought up (again) the idea that her grandmother used to tell her time and time again when she was young.

" Orang perempuan ni kena ada 4 'mat'
1. JiMat
2. CerMat
3. KhidMat
4. HorMat "

"All women should have these 4 things :-
1. Economical
2. Conscientious
3. Service
4. Respect "

Ohh.. how Nora hates the words of wisdom of her late grandmother. She just couldnt get it for a fact that why does the concept was stressed only on women and not men.

"I hate it ! Why do they have to shove the idea on women. Why cant they just say something like 'All of us (men and women) should have these 4 things ..?"

Looking back I think the feeling of resentment Nora has goes back to her younger days when her parents favoured her younger brother as to the other 3 sisters. The brother would always get the best and was spoilt by her father. Favouring the sons is always the norm in Asian culture.

I would only be laughing everytime she keeps on rambling about her garndmother's words. I have nothing against that concept, in fact I'm for it. I adhere to the idea that women should be submissive to men, the husbands I mean. You could say that I'm a bit conservative here, but I really think the wives especially should apply the concept, particularly on the last one "respect". But then again there would always be an arguement on what kind of men or husbands who should deserve the respect.

I think women play a very important role in being mothers and wives. Applying those 4 ideas would do no harm. I once heard from a friend, that it is a must for every Jew women to study up to the university level. It doesnt matter if they get the jobs or not after studying, but to have a high level of education is considered significant, because mothers are the ones who would mould the future generation. Even in America, the ones teaching in the pre-school sometimes do have Master degrees. Ever wonder when here in Malaysia, those teachings in the pre-school are sometimes SRP/PMR (lower level of secondary school) leavers. Cant blame them, where in the world in Malaysia can u find a Master degree holder who wants to be paid RM500-00 a month to teach those kindergarten kids ? RM500-00 is considerd high if compared to some pre-school in rural areas where the pay is as little as RM200-00.

Again, as I mentioned in my previous post, a wife is the Prime Minister of the house who plays a very important role behind a King. They should know how to manage the money, the children and of course the husband. I remember the wording of Toula's mother in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"

"Your father may be the head of the family, but I am the neck; I can make the head turn wherever I like"

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Beautiful ..? Who.. me ..?

I was reading Sleeksexycat's blog where she was telling about the talent scout who stopped her asking her whether she would want to be a model for future advertisement. Wow ! I said to myself. She must really look good (though I ve never met her). To think that anyone would stop me for my look .. that is awesome !

I am not one who is considered beautiful or even good looking. I ve realised this for quite some times, since I was even a teenager. But I know of a few people who claim that I am kind of sweet. Just sweet. But not good looking enough to make some guys whistle or even drool over. Even if a stranger comes and says hello to me, I would probably look behind first before asking him for sure "Who.. me..?".

So beauty is in the eye of the beholder. How come all these beholders usually have the same definition of beauty ? My best friend in campus was beautiful (I bet she still is). I got so used of seing her getting all the atentions from the men. To the extent that I was not even known (among the guys) as for me, myself, Ann. I was known as 'her' best friend.There was one time when I had a 'small' crush on this one guy, and I thought he was looking at my way when actually his eyes were on someone on the other way .. yeap its her again. I never resented that though. I took it as it was.

And whenever I go to the gym with another friend of mine, men seem to flock her like shes one helpless lad. I asked cK for that matter, and he said that its maybe I have this certain aura around me. An aura of an independant woman, who looks serious and no-nonsense and as if she doesnt need a man. "And that perhaps you have that look that if the guy goes and says hello to you, you would give a look like "whats-the-hello-for" ..."

Yes, because of that inferiority complex in the look department, it never occured to me that someone would really be interested in me. "Even if there were men who were interested in you, they would have given up .. because of your ignorance in sensing the interest of others in you " so said cK.

"But you knew how to ..."
"Ohh.. thats because I'm one of the most patient man in the world "
"Maybe it really takes a real man to really know how to win my heart ....."
".. and because I look far beyond looks .. and I see the beauty somewhere there ..."

" Who... me...????"

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Why Polygamy

The majority of women would be ready to beat me up after reading this posting. I have been wanting to write about this for quite sometimes and I think why not now ?

Allah says :-

"If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans,marry women of your choice, two, or three or four; But if you fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one ..... That will be more suitable,to prevent you from doing injustice."

Surah Al-Nisa' 4:3 (translation by Abdullah Yusuf Ali)

This is the main verse for all when discussing polygamy. Oddly enough the verse is used by both who are for and against polygamy, and the big issue is always the question of 'justice'.

If you cannot be just, why marry another ? So, what does 'just' actually mean ? Just or 'adil' in the Islamic definition is 'to put thing in its place'. Just does not mean equal. It is the ability and the simple act of determining which goes to what and how much is enough. If the first wife has only one child, does the husband have to buy her a van just because the second wife owns one (van) because he has 5 children with the second ?

There are men, and yes, I hear you, most men, are at fault when it comes to being just. Not only dont they buy the first wife a car, they dont even bother to give her adequate maintenance to keep that one child. In short, they abandon them totally. That is the lacking in the men, not in the validity of polygamy.

Sisters in Islam always quote this following ayah in support of their stand that man can never be just and thus, polygamy is not permissible because Allah has confirmed so :-

"You are never able to be fair and just as between women,
Even if it is your ardent desire...

Surah An Nisa 129

That is the verse quoted by them, but they fail to quote the whole of the verse :-

"You are never be able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire; but turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If you come to a friendly understanding, and practise self restrain, god is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful"

Surah An Nisa 129

While admitting that men can never be fair, Allah did mention that even so, men can never leave their wives just like that, as if hanging in the tree. Which means that Allah knows the weakness of men in being fair, but that should not put a stop in trying to be one. Men are still responsible to take care all of his wives, even if he still favours one to others. (Dont we all have our own favourites after all, be it sons and daughters, nieces, teachers ....)

Take for example in Solah (prayer). It is required that one has to be 'khusyu' (solemn concentration) in solah, to really concentrate and not to be swayed in your thoughts and minds to other things. Nobody, nobody in this world can claim that they can be 100% khusyu in their prayers, but just because we can never be 100% khusyu does that mean that we should not perform solah at all?

I have to admit that the issue of polygamy is an emotional one. Emotional for all women, because, whethere we like it or not, women are controlled by their emotions, not always, but most of the times. Emotion is one of the things that makes us different from men, that special something Allah has granted upon and created in women to be part and parcel of our unique characters.

It is hurtful to find your husband of 20 years suddenly marries another. Being hurt is one thing, but to go all out in preventing the legal, is another. Why should a man get the consent of his first wife to get married to another ? Why do we allow such regulation when there is nothing in the Quran or Hadith that says so.

One has to remember of one thing. "Jodoh" or fate. If its meant to be its meant to, if its not, its not. No matter how flirtatious and how much a man wants to marry another, if its not his 'jodoh' it can never be materialized. But then again, the concept of fate and jodoh is another issue.

Sisters in Islam and some of the women, I see for now, are barkinga at the wrong tree. Why are you shouting at the man who marries another when the 'other' woman actually agrees to it. Rather than fighting the right of the man, why not promoting anti-polygamy to the 'other women' who are being branded with names for stealing other women's men.No matter how much you campaign against the law of polygamy, the core of marriage would go down to the consent of both man and woman. If the woman agrees to it, even if she knows right from the start that the man is married, what is there Sisters in Islam can do ? This kind of instance does not only happen in polygamy cases; What is there can you do if a woman agrees to marry a thug or a drug addict?

Marriage is after all a risk, and one goes into a marriage with blind eyes, be it to a single man or a married man.