Friday, October 31, 2003

Good Bye , DR M.

I dont know how do I feel at this moment. Hes been part of my growing up until now and I've loved and loathed him. Its a mix feelings really. On one side, I'm happy of all the things that he's done to Malaysia, but on the other hand when it comes to his critical view on certain issues in Islam, it really disturbs me.

For example in the issue of Hudud. Its a delicate subject that has been discussed and criticized by almost everybody. My main concern is that if you do not know what Hudud is, just shut-up ! Dont say anything about it just for the sake of commenting. DR M has got something to say because hes the PM, but the others are just trying to 'bodek' him. So pathethic !

You cannot look at religion from your own logic, because certain issues and certain things are far beyond man's capability of thoughts. Like the reason for taking wudhu' , for a layman you will never understand the logic behind washing your face your hands and so forth. You just do it because u have to, otherwise u will never be able to perform solat (prayer). If you want to find the logic and the reason before you do it, forget it man ! Ure just wayyy to much !

I will discuss on the Hudud issue some other time, this post is meant to bid fairwell to Dr M. Hes done his best, tho many might not agree with him on many issues, but hes done well for Malaysia. He must have meant well even tho the paths he chose might not be appreciated by all.

And yes... the INDIAN guy was right !!!!! He predicted more than 10 years ago that Pak Lah is DA MAN... He is now.... Gosh... wondering about his predictions about me... :)

Tuesday, October 28, 2003


A good book which carefully potrays the political drama of Mahathir - Anwar feud. I know that the the mainstream newspapers had been pressing Anwar so much that the public tend to be sympathetic towards him rather than Dr M, as Dr M was very much in control of the press. But reading this book, you will find a different perspective on how the fued began to develope and how Ian managed to relate almost every single events which led to Anwar's dismissal.

Ian does not take side in this book. Hes merely narrating the events from facts. It really gives me a different ideas and it also feeds me with justifications on Dr M's actions.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

I have this one riddle forwarded by a friend - Syarifah- . According to her the riddle was asked among the kidergarten kids in US and more than 80% of the kids got it right, but when the it was given to the adults ... they had no idea at all what it is. The riddle goes like this:-

1. The word has 7 letters
2. Preceeded God
3. Greater than God
4. More evil that the devil
5. All poor people have it
6. Wealthy people need it
7. If you eat it, you will die

It takes a SIMPLE mind to answer it .... *grins*

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Kematian datang bermusim. Do you think so too ? Setiap kali adanya satu berita kematian, seolahnya akan ada saja beberapa kematian yang akan berturutan. Dan kematian datang tanpa disangka, tanpa dijangka. Apa yang terjadi hari ini membuktikan itu.

Sumai Norma, salah seorang staff di tempatku meninggal dunia semalam. Puncanya : BISUL. Ha ahh.. memang susah nak percaya pada mulanya. Hanya kerana bisul boleh menyebabkan kematian. Yang aku tahu, bisul memang amat menyakitkan. Norma ada bercerita di pejabat tentang suaminya yang sakit bisul itu, sakit hingga tak boleh tidur. Dan semalamnya mereka ke klinik, Doktor tidak mahu 'operate' sehingga bisul tersebut benar-benar 'masak'. Tapi dek kerana terlampau sakit, suami Norma mencungkilnya sendiri dan akibatnya darah keluar dengan begitu banyak ... sehingga kehabisan darah. Suaminya meninggal dunia kemudiannya dalam keadaan semuanya masih kalam kabut.

Norma yang aku kenali seorang yang kuat dan tabah. Pastinya Allah tidak akan mengujinya demikan jika dia todak mampu. Norma sangat independant, dan aku tahu dia mampu mengharungi semuanya, sendirian demi tiga orang anak perempuannya.


Tok is still weak. Shes not having any fever now, but she hardly eats anything. And she sleeps most of the times. Mak has been sleeping over at Tok's place for a few nights. Tok is as good as bedridden and she can only walk, slowly, with assistance, and she wears diapers now.


Monday, October 20, 2003

I want to grow old surrounded by the people I love and who love me in return. I want to grow old and not wanting to cause them any difficulties. I want to grow old and be able to smile ...

But since I am not THAT old now.. I only want to have a nice vacation in Langkawi. Oh please... let me have the opportunity and the money .. to stay at least for one whole week .. hmmm ... Near the beach with swimming pool.... hey I'm repeating the same things again.......

Must be the hectic days I'm having for the past two weeks. Its exhausting. But I have to hold on ... and when everything is in order ...................................... that'll be the DAY !!!!!!

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Tok is still weak, but not as bad as yesterday and the days before. Mak is at her place, and she was there the whole night looking after Tok. I'm glad to hear it. She still wears 'pampers' (Tok not Mak) and she sleeps most of the times. I'm still sad but at least, I lear to face my fear.


Confession time

I remember when I was about 11 or 12, I was really hoping for a NIKE shoe and I knew my parents would never spend that much on me. I wrote a letter to the Sultan of Brunei. Yeap him. Asking for a NIKE shoe. I must be thinking hes Santa Clause. I heard that he was so rich that people wrote to him asking things from him ... and so I wrote the letter. I didnt know my shoe size and so I put my foot on the letter and traced the foot with a pen. It was crazy of me. I cant recal whether I posted the letter or not.... hmmmmm

Wednesday, October 15, 2003


Apakah sebenarnya yang kita rasa? Kesedihan dan kedukaan yang melanda,adakah kerana rasa kehilangan,keinsafan,penyesalan atau kekosongan ?

Kita terus berjalan dan berjalan sambil menari kadanganya, sambil menangis pada sedikit waktu .... melangkah ke satu jalan yang amat pasti namun sering kita lupa. Satu destinasi yang amat yakin,yang sebenarnya mengejar kita seraya memakan usia,sedikit demi sedikit. Yang kita hampiri walau bukan dengan niat, walau bukan dengan tujuan, bukan dengan rancangan, bukan dengan kumpulan tapi semuanya dalam satu rombongan ...... menuju kembali kepadaNYA

Bekal apakah yang engkau bawa ? Bekal apakah yang AKU bawa ........

When we were small and yes to some like me, until now, we believed and I sometimes tend to believe that our parents and the ones we love will always be there forever. We think that things will always stay the same, and thats why I guess the child in me is still there. Ive never grown up.

But yesterday, when I went to visit Tok (my grandmother), I began to tremble. Looking at her, so thin, so fragile, so vulnerable, so old, I began to learn facing the reality. The time for her to leave me and the family is near. No I'm not hoping. But it is something that I have to face, sooner or later. I helped her took the 'wudhu' and prayer. She fell twice the last time she took wudhu. It helps that shes not big and heavy. I could almost pick her up and I was thinking of carrying her instead of letting her walk. She is (again) so fragile and weak. I was holding my tears all the time I was there, not wanting her to see. She was talking nonsense too. Perhaps her hearing is not good. It hurst me listening and talking to her. She said things that didnt make sense. Maybe its the fever. I want to believe its the fever shes having. I dont think shes senile. She can still pray and read doa and recite Quranic verses.

Tok has always been the closest to me. There were times when I disagree with her, like in the case of Cik (when Tok did not approve Cik's choice in marriage - and harrased Cik) and in that few years I was sort of avoiding myself from her, but then I began to realize that whatever it is, she is still Tok. The one who always loves me. She always says that I'm her favourite :) I used to stay with her during my school years and she really spoilt me sometimes.

I cried all the way back from Tok's place. I was thinking its about time I have to face my fears. The fears that was haunting me even when I was 5. I remebered hugging Tok and telling her " I dont want you to die". Its the same feeling I'm having now. But I'm not the 5 years old Ann. I'm 32 now. Goodbye is never an easy thing to do and death is after all is not the end ... its only a beginning for a new and long journey ...............

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

What a busy weekend Ive had. With the two cousins, Wafir and Aiman spending the weekend at my place. The parents were out of town to KL to send their sister, Kak Ana to UIA, to do Pharmacy. And shes only 16. Shes very lucky she had the chance to do GCE in UK. If shes still here in Malaysia, shed be in Form 4, and can only sit for SPM in Form 5, and to wait for the result in the subsequent year. I dont know, but I think the education system in UK is better in that sense. You get to finish ur education and get on with life early. Even the kids in Thailand start schooling earlier than us, in Malaysia. By the time Kak Ana is 20 shes already out of the University and if she wants to she can continue doing her Master, and if everything goes well shell be holding a Master degree at the age of 23, when the others are just finishing their first degree.

The two cousins are fun. They are humble and cool. Didnt give me a hard time. Took them to bowling and it was their first. Wafir was almost crying when after a few shots, he only managed to throw the ball into the drain. Had to 'pujuk' him that its only his first times and that the ball if too heavy for him. The smallest is only 8. Think its still heavy, especially for first timer like him. But the brother, Aiman, he really has talent for sports. He did quite well for first timer and his score is at par with mine. But Wafir was Ok after that and started to enjoy the game.


The song I learned from the cousins

I close my eyes,
Drew back the curtain
To see for certain
What I thought I knew

Far far away
Someone was weeping
But the world is sleeping
Any dream will do

I wore my clothes
With golden lining
Bright color shining
Any dream will do

And in the east
The dawn is braeking
The world is waiting
Any dream will do


Any dream will do.......; if only THIS one dream... *sigh*

Saturday, October 11, 2003

1991. 12 tahun yang lalu.
Aku berjumpa, itu pun secara kebetulan, di warung konvo di kampus, seorang lelaki India. Tidak pasti pula aku sama ada Muslim ataupun tidak. Katanya dia pengkaji bintang. astrologi. Ditanya aku tentang tarikh lahir dan beberapa butir lain. Cuba meramal. Tapi katanya dia cuma mengagak sahaja. Aku biasa sahaja. Percaya dan tidak sama sahaja.Bukan apa yang ditelahnya tentang diriku yang aku mahu cerita sekarang.

Sewaktu itu, Anwar Ibrahim sedang berada di kemuncak, menghampiri 'Kerusi Pertama'. Semua orang menjangkakan dan percaya dia akan terus mengungguli kerusi teratas. Aku juga percaya. Namun kata India tersebut. "Anwar tidak akan menjadi Perdana Menteri Malaysia". "Bukan Anwar yang akan pegang jawatan itu !". Aku dan teman hampir ketawa, dan memangnya kami tersenyum sinis. "Kalau bukan Anwar, siapa lagi....?"

Jawab India itu : ABDULLAH BADAWI

Aku pegang katanya, aku simpan di ingatan. Aku mahu lihat. Perkara itu sentiasa tersimpan di kotak ingatan aku. Dan bila Dr Mahathir mengumumkan penggantinya................ aku terkedu ! Menghampiri akhir Oktober 2003, aku masih menunggu .. mengesahkan apa yang pernah dicakapkan oleh India tersebut.

Aku menunggu


Apakah aku juga sedang menuju ke arah apa yang India itu telahkan...???

Friday, October 10, 2003

If you go to the gym, and your body has not developed to certain extent, just yet, aka thin, with no bulging muscles to flex, not toned enough .... please, please DO NOT wear a big sleevless shirt, especially the "Y" singlet type, it doesnt look nice. Its awful ! Its pathetic. Its better and nice if you just pick a sweat t-shirt. Yes T Shirt that covers 3/4 of you body and your hairy arm pit too, so that some women wont find it distracting. Thats for some women.... Hmmm.. (Just for the record.. in my case, I find it weird if men shave their armpit... its not masculine.. not macho).

And please do concentrate more on your leg muscles too.


Tuesday, October 07, 2003

I want to run on the beach. I want to swim in the sea. I want to rollerblade under the morning sun. I want to walk and watch the sun sets. I want to dive into the pool when the rain stops. I want to ride the bicycle in the afternoon. I want to read a nice book under the tree.

In short : I want a vacation on an island



........and to know that some men (as to male species) really think that the phrase refers to them.. and being so defensive about it..... I dont know whether to laugh or to cry......

Monday, October 06, 2003

The weekend is over. And life goes on. I spent the whole day yesterday with the cousins. Had a good time; well.. they certainly had a good time.


I am not sure where life is leading me. Maybe I'm not sure where am I leading my life. Do you take care of your destiny or do you let the destiny take care of you ? I believe there are some things you can take care of and there are things you cant. At times you really want something to happen the way you want it to be. You feel that you can control the situation. You feel that fate and destiny are (or supposed to be) in your favour. But then... at one slip of the corner of your life, everything changes. What would one do at that moment of time?


"What is happening to the new generation?". My Boss was asking. He was pointing out to this new trends where some young men choose to be jobless. Some prefer to stay at home (especially the unmarried) with the parents (!!!!!)and some dont mind (are blessed) with the wives going to work and bring the cash home. Most consider themselves to be free-lances (with one or two job in 12 months) (!!!). TRy asking around and I'm sure you will at least hear one or two stories about their sons or sons in law or even brothers, uncles, cousins not having a job and walking around (or fre some -pretending) looking for one. And the baffling thing is that all of them want to drive in BMW (at least) use the latest hand phone by Nokia, wear Armani Exchange, Calvin Klien.... hang around at Starbuck ......bla bla bla and the list goes on.

Our conclusion is that these are the results of being pampered and spoilt by the parents. Imagine that most boys nowadays do not cycle to school. The parents are afraid that the sun might damage their sons fair skin. They think they can have their own ways all the times, and when they go to work, they find it difficult to take orders from the superior. They dont like to be bossed around. It hurts their ego; yes.. Mom treats them like Kings. They want to be their own Boss .....

Please; we want the men to be "jantan" the-Man ... not mama's boy... Please !!!!!


Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Still fasting. When you fast, everything seems to be moving in slow motion. Sombre. Do you keep smiling when ure fasting ?


Calvin : What is a pronoun ?
Hobbes : A noun that has lost its amature status