Election Fever

Election is just around the corner. Cant really tell whether I'm excited or not. Think I'm not THAT excited anymore, like I used to when I was in the campus. Its strange how people can change. Have I changed over these few years. I dont think so. Politically, I still have the same basic ideas about the government and even the oppositions. My ideas and thoughts are still the same but my anxiety of the whole things has faded off. 5-10 years ago, I wouldnt mind debating with the guy/girl next door about why religion and politic do go together and why it is important that we do our part in fighting-in-HIS way. I was a rebellious who wouldnt mind facing anyone who was against my ideas and thoughts. It used to be such a thrill to able to debate with supports from the verses and hadith ( even when I recklessly always forget the original text - only the gist of the meaning). I was full of idealism. The high spirit of a youth.

I am old now. Hahaha... not physically, but mentally. The idea of debating is exhaustive. I learn by years that its quite hard to change people's perceptions and ideas. You might as well have a lenghty discussion with those with the same ideas. I dont get mad or angry anymore when people disagree. I leave things as they are. I would usually keep quiet and just observe. Some of the things they talk now have been preached by me 10 years ago.

I want to resolve more on reading now. I dont read as much as I used to. My readings now are more on fitness. I used to have a very good discussion with cK on sufism, shiah and islamic history in general. We used to read a lot just to keep with each others' knowledge. Hmmm ... may be we should do it again some times.

To quote Kalim Siddique : " .. a muttaqin will never get involved in politics ..."

hmmmmm.... *sigh*

Valentine's Day is over rated. I have to agree with most people who still have some senses (or maybe who are still single and secretly wishing someone would send them 240 roses at the door on V day) that why do we have to wait for that particular day only to confess your love. But then... on the other hand, its not that we cant profess our undying love on any other day, but to make it special on that ONE day would make both of the couple happy, especially the girl who would think the man does not love her just because he doesnt bring her roses with a box of choclates and a cute teddy bear. How superficial.

Love is the little thing that he does to remind you of his love like ...

when he rings you in the middle of his busy day just because he wants to have a break by hearing your voice ...

when he brings you your favourite food whenever he comes back from work ..

when he sings a love song while driving in the car with you while looking at you hoping you catch the meaning of the song (even when his voice is terrible) ...

when he 'kutuk' or saying all the bad things he could find on Jamie Aditya Garaham and his programme Sync or Swim just because he knows how much you like the guy ...

and my all time favourite would be

when he stops the car to find a phone booth to continue the conversation when his hand phone is out of battery and hes in the middle of talking to you ....

Now that is LOVE !

Watching the "American Idol", you can easily understand the superiority complex that the Americans have as opposed to most Asians who suffer inferiority complex. I'm not in the position to judge those people, but having superiority complex and high self confident can turn out quite bad.

Some of the voices were terrible, freaky and very weird .. and yet they claimed they CAN sing and believed they re the next "American Idol" !. I was rolling on the floor seing some of them fighting with Simon (especially)( gosh they hate Simon) and accusing the judges incapable of recognising talents.

Sick !

Aku Bukan Pilihan
- Iwan Fals

Kini kumengungkap tanya
Siapakah dirinya ?
Yang mengaku kekasih itu
Aku tak bisa memahami


Ketika malam tiba
Ku rela kau berada
Dengan siapa kau melewatinya
Aku tak bisa memahami

Aku lelaki tak mungkin
Menerimamu bila
Ternyata kau mendua
Membuatku terluka
Tinggalkan saja diriku
Yang tak mungkin menunggu
Jangan pernah memilih
Aku bukan pilihan

Selalu terungkap tanya
Benarkah kini dia
Wanita yang kukenal hatinya
Aku tak bisa memahami

Tak perlu memilihku
Aku lelaki, bukan untuk dipilih

I fell in love right away with this song when I first heard it, so melodic with nice lyric and manly voice of Iwan .... What a song ! Get the song here.

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Its been a while since I last blog, not that I was busy with my work, but I just feel like I dont have anything interesting to tell. Even when there are 'some' excitement, fascinating and good things that have happened, I just couldnt make myself sit and write, i think its just the private part of me and sometimes it can cause a bit of confussion because I really want to write and tell people but on the other hand I feel I should just keep them for myself.

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Anyway, I will be going to Langkawi (finally) if God will, Insya Allah, next week. I've checked around, thru the internet and I think i can only afford a small budget vacation, which means no hotel with swimming pool, just a nice chalet or motel by the beach. In fact I've found this one motel where they have the rooms facing the beach costing only RM85; air cond with tv and one queen size bed. That sounds alright !!! I'm used to having vacation all by myself, but this time I just feel like I may need a company. The thing is not any company, a friend, who understands me and my crazy antics with the beach and the sea, independant and who can swim too. Hmmm... quite a wish as most of my friends are all married with small kids and those single ladies of mine are not into swimming. The only one i can think of is my Sis ......! But she cant make it. Hope to plan it well this time, and yes .. i want to venture more into the sea as there wont be any swimming pool. Body board is suffice i think, in exchange of surfing, as Langkawi sucks for surfing (hahahaha talking like a pro.. when I cant even stand on the board) :0

I like Indonesia, especially Indonesians, the people of Indonesia. My keen and respect for them started when I was in Form 5, when History of Indonesia was part of the syllabus. I might have forgotten some facts from the history book, but the admiration still lives on till this day.

They fought for their independence, and with their own blood. I have to admit I felt a slight dissapointment that Malaysia got our independance by mere talks and obligating ourselves to what the British had carefully and subtly outlined for us. I have this idea that the price of our independence would not be the same had we gained it through our own blood so that we can tell the children to walk on the ground with proud and love because the blood that built your country today are still flowing throughout the country. Thats what Indonesians have been telling their children and their generation to come.

There was one time when I had the chance to join my campus educational trip to Medan and Acheh somewhere in 1991. I began to observe the Indonesia students' thought; their maturity and their intelligence awed me. I'm not saying that Malaysians are not up to the standard, but I feel that we lack something. I sensed pride and confidence in their caharacteristic. Proud of themselves as Indonesians and confidence of their own capabalities. I began to appreciate the language as well, so smooth. I dont know whether its because of the language itself or is it because of their flow of thoughts.

During that trip, on our way to Acheh from Medan, we stopped by at one of the schools (I've forgotten the name). They put us on the stage where we had to introduce ourselves and gave some briefings about our students council and some other stuffs like the objectives of the trip and so on to the whole school. There was this one guy from our group, (me and Nada, my friend were not really fond of him ; just for the record during some brief intro prior this session, he told all of us and the Indonesian Students who were our host where we were staying, that his ambition was to be the Prime Minister of Malaysia ; duh !) who took the lead in briefing the students and he did include about ABIM activities as well and its strong connection with the Malaysia government (of which was very irrelevnat as the trip had nothing to do with ABIM in the first place; its just because most of the committees were ABIM members). His briefing was very simple and he touched only the surface but he looked very arrogant.

One student from the crowd suddenly stood up . He was actually supposed to ask question, but he ended up briefing us back the whole history of ABIM and the detail story of Anwar (Ibrahim)'s first involvemment with UMNO and the frustration of ABIM's top members at that time of Anwar's big step, while giving his own comments on the issue. Ohh he really put us in hot seats, but I was loving every moment of it and to watch Nik's (the ABIM man) face turned red, it was great. The Indonesia student was really prepared and he knew "our" stuffs. I was amazed and from then on, I'm hooked! !.

I was so happy and amazed when I first found out that Indonesians start to vote at the age of 17, which to me shows a lot. It means that by the age of 17 they would have to think about politics irregardless the fact that some merely love the fun of the parade and coloring their faces during election times. The thing is they know they can make a difference to their country with their one vote. While here in Malaysia, youre not supposed to talk about politics even when youre a university student *sob* *sob* *sob*. Indonesia tought their children to be brave, to stand for what you believe, to fight for justice and be proud of it and the phase of "Reformasi" time showed it all. I was so excited of the whole thing, to join the chat session with the Indonesia students discussing about reformasi . If only I were there I that time, I would have surely joined the rally.

But I know its not about excitement in Indonesia. What I see from here is not the same. Its a struggle everyday even just to make a living. If youre from a well to do family youre blessed, if not , youre lucky just to be able to have lunch today. Its not easy to take care of 234,893,453 (July 2003 est.) people. You just have to make use all that you have even if you only have to depend on mere pride and the fighter in you.

Watched Oprah Show this morning. The topic : "What Happens After the Wedding?". It was an interesting topic. They were talking about how most couples, usually the bride-to-be, who were so caught up with the "moment of their life time" the wedding plan, that they tend to forget the true meaning of the marriage itself. From the moment the proposal was made, the engagement period and untill the wedding day itself, they were like in cloud nine. Only after everythings over and the cakes are all gone, did they realize that they actually have a lot of adjustment to do with their new life.

I once heard someones saying : "The happinness of getting married only last three days". I laughed when I heard it. But I have to agree that there might be some truth in it. When we were younger, we had our own visions of what marriage should be, like fairy tale stories, where the stories would end with " ... and they lived happily ever after". Nobody told us at that time that Cinderella would have to endure the whole of her life with Prince Charming's habit of not putting back the toohpaste cap back after use, nor about her constant fight with the in-laws (as well as the step-sisters who were still on her back).

You may have known your partner as your boyfriend/girlfriend for 10 years, but to actually live with him in the same house and to share the bed, when you used to have the space all for yourself and now to have some sort of tug-of-war for the blanket ...... every nite. For some, even living together before marriage is still not the same as the actual marriage. When you live together theres still a notion at the back of your mind that you still have the chance to escape by just moving out at nite, but after being married, that sort of idea somehow doesnt sound that simple.

Theres also the issue of being married to his family too. You have to accept his family as part of your life now. No matter how bad the mother-in-law is, she is now as good as your mother (even if your mother is slightly worse). The worst case is when you get to marry a mama's boy. Oh no ... no .. no .. no.. youre really heading for trouble if you dont know how to handle it properly. A mama's boy will always be a mama's boy even at the age of 60, you will have a constant struggle to win the man you love. To his mother you re the woman who has taken his baby boy from her. Ohh.. its not a good situation at all ......

One of the panelist in the Oprah Show suggested that you should have a list of questions that both of you and your husband-to-be should answer honestly, before the wedding. I think my the questions would be like :-

1. Are we to have a joint account
2. Who will pay the car and who will pay the house
3. How many times per week should you visit your in-laws
4. How much money can both of you give to your own family, for the sisters/brothers
5. What happens if one of you is attracted to someone else ,
6. Would you accept polygamy ...
7. If you have children what sort of education would you like them to have, the type of school they would go, the sort of discipline you want them to adhere to

Yes all the questions would definitely have the answers, at that particular time. It would not be the same as when you really face the realities, but at least the questions would give you some basic ideas on where your partner stands on certain issues.

I am still single and almost all my friends are married. At the age of 20-25 I used to envy them, for having someone to love and loving them in return. But now, not all of them are "...living happily ever after". Some are divorced, some are having problems and yes some are really happy. I'm not against marriage. I'm not hunting for the potential bridegroom nor am I running from him. I take things as they come. If its meant to be, its meant to. We all have our dreams and hopes, but we cant have everything that we want. Our life after all is destined (oddly somehow by our own choices.......)

"What we shall be is written .........."

Got this from Ijul's site

Your Brain Usage Profile

Auditory : 46%
Visual : 53%
Left : 70%
Right : 29%

Ann, you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant and show a preference for visual learning, although not extreme in either characteristic. You probably tend to do most things in moderation, but not always.

Your left-hemisphere dominance implies that your learning style is organized and structured, detail oriented and logical. Your visual preference, though, has you seeking stimulation and multiple data. Such an outlook can overwhelm structure and logic and create an almost continuous state of uncertainty and agitation. You may well suffer a feeling of continually trying to "catch up" with yourself.

Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor. You can "size up" situations and take in information rapidly. However, you must then subject that data to being classified and organized which causes you to "lose touch" with the immediacy of the problem.

Your logical and methodical nature hamper you in this regard though in the long run it may work to your advantage since you "learn from experience" and can go through the process more rapidly on subsequent occasions.

You remain predominantly functional in your orientation and practical. Abstraction and theory are secondary to application. In keeping with this, you focus on details until they manifest themselves in a unique pattern and only then work with the "larger whole."

With regards to your career choices, you have a mentality that would be good as a scientist, coach, athlete, design consultant, or an engineering technician. You can "see where you want to go" and even be able to "tell yourself," but find that you are "fighting yourself" at the darndest times.

________________________________________________

Am I like that ... ? Hmm.. I doubt about the 'tendency to be organized' part. Because for once you should all come and see my office room; with the files scattering all over the place. But my room in my house is not that bad... simply because there are no files *ehem*.

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Still in the mood of talking about politics.

A few days back I saw one banner with the words " Kami Peniaga-Peniaga Kecil Melayu Menyokong Penuh Dato' Yusof Nayan Sebagai Dato' Bandar Alor Setar" ( We the Small Malay Traders Are In Full Support of Dato' Yusuf Nayan as the Mayor of Alor Setar". Why the banner ? What are they trying to tell the people? I see nothing else except that there must be some people who are not satisfied that Dato Yusuf Nayan has been chosen to be the Mayor. And the ones putting up the banner are those people trying to show their loyalty and support, when it could have been Dato' Yusuf Nayan's idea himself. Hehehe. Had there not been any kind of banner of that sort, nobody would detect the frictions somewhere.

I hate that sort of banner because I have this sneaky feelings that its done for somebody's own political purpose. When you see that kind of banner, you will know right away that somebodys jacking up somebody's a** . Sorry for the latter .. cant help it .

Rosnah Aiming For PM

The PM Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi annouced yesterday that Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak is now the Deputy Prime Minister of Malaysia. Najib as he fondly called, has been the favourite one and his name had been mentioned for a number of ocassions by the then PM, Tun Dr Mahathir, and everybody knew that he might be the next in line to be the DPM after Pak Lah. Its quite a disspointment actually to see Najib as the future PM, but I guess Pak Lah has no choice. It has to be Najib.

1. He got the most vote during the recent UMNO election as one of the top three Deputy Presidents , which means that he has a good grassroot support from the UMNO members

2. He has been in the cabinet for as long as anyone can remember . He was elected to be the Deputy Minister of Telecom and Post when he was only 24, and he is now 51.

3. He has a good political background family, being the son of the late ex-PM, Tun Razak and being closely related to the late, also an ex-PM, Tun Hussein Onn.

Pak Lah cannot ignore the hints given by the ex-PM when he kept mentioning Najib to be the one.

If given a choice I would prefer Muhyideen Yassin, he is now holding the Ministry of Agriculture, which is a good thing since there are a lot of opportunities for him to be populor among the 'rakyat' in the lower grassroot, and if hes smart he can build a good base from there.


And yes, everybody in UMNO would be singing praises and vows supporting the decision by Pak Lah, but one should know UMNO's culture, nobody dares to be against the 'big wave' unless theres somebody up there in the high post has another thought in mind . But we shall see whether another book of " 50 Dalil Kenapa Najib Tidak Boleh Jadi PM" (50 Reasons Why Najib Cannot be PM) will be published.

Ohh as to why above title of Rosmah, well, Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor is Najib's wife. Isnt it the wife is the main person behind any man, the one whos in actual control of the affairs of the husband, the Queen, the PM of the House (when the Husband is only the KING). Yes, wife actually rules the house, and in this case, Rosmah without any doubt will actually be our next PM, (if only Najib can endure everything to keep the current post). LOL

I found this new site fairy.mahdzan.com a girl who is so fascinated and obsessed with Indonesia as much as I do, but shes better than me in the sense that she put her fascination in beautiful writings and photos and almost everything about Indonesia in her webbie. I was in awe reading all her stories, especially on the her travelling part like the times she went to Jakarta and her 12 hour train ride to Yogyakarta. Gosh .. how I envy her. Shes having all the fun I ve been wishing to do. And yes, the time she went to Dewa gig and meeting them and taking pictures with Dhani, I'm not really into Dewa as I was before, past my maturity age, but then still.... she sure had a swelling fun time. And the best part of all, she surfs ! Gosh I must meet this girl !

Seems like you are not in big trouble.
Actually, this result is actually BETTER than average.
You will have a perfect job. You will make a lot of money.
The job that you will have is being a kind of doctor.
You will not marry.
Many women will like you or did like you in your college,
but you don't think anybody is good enough for you. You will live in a two-story house when you are older. Two stories all for you is good enough for you! You will have many dinners in your house.
The bad news is that you will be very lonely and sad - perhaps
almost depressed when you are older. Yes, you will think that money is not everything in your life.
Feel good young man. You will not bald
/*_*\ Your hair will be the same as it is right now.
You will feel that you are one of the prettiest woman there is for your age /*_*\
You will be the over average woman.
In your future, nothing will hurt you.
Only pain on the outside. When you are 87 years old,
you will die of painful cancer.


The Quiz of Luck - What Will Happen In Your Future?
brought to you by Quizilla

How inspiring ......... But I am sure that "what we shall be is written ........" and may Allah guide me all the way and may He give me patience to endure everything .....

Happy New Year !

On Fitness

People always talk about resolution and all. Well I had one last year, "to be fit". Think I've achieved that, and with flying colors too, I must say. Loosing 6 kg is a achievment especially going through the diet and all. Hmmm.. as to fitness wise, my resolution this year would be to look like one of the women in the cover of Muscle & Fitness - Hers magazine, with some defined muscles and a good 6 pack ab .....


On Emotion

Enough of my fitness freak. On the emotional level, I just wish to have a better control of my own feelings, to be able to see things clearly from a few angles before I make any assumptions and jump into conclusions. Like cK always say to me:

"You cant change peoples behaviour, they can be mean, selfish or arrogant and all, they can make you feel sad and hurt. You cant change them but you can change your reactions towards them, you can take control of your own thoughts and feelings. Their words may hurt you, but if you choose not to let those words affect you, it can help a lot.
It all depends on you; what you choose to affect you and what you choose to ignore"

On Love

I have to repeat this mantra again and again to have a fulfilling relationship

"Love is what you give, not what you expect to receive"

You love a person for what he is, and when you fall in love, you really hope that your feeling is reciprocated. But whatever you give to him is out of your love, if he return it with love and affection too, its a bonus, if not, well .. you ve done your part by loving him...


On Career

To have a better concentration on my work and to have a zero deffect on the documentations prepared.

I am beginning to think of the whole concept and idea of blogging. When I went through my blogs, I started to think, perhaps I've shared more than enough of my daily life, I should have kept certain things private.

Ohhhh I finally did it ! I went surfin at Sunway Lagoon !!!!!!! Its a crazy day, I felt like a 5 year old kid who was so excited, who got up early to get ready when the parents, (in my case its my Sis) are still in bed. Yes I had to "persuade" my Sister to wake up so we could get there early. I had fun, we rented the tubes, basketball and yes the surf board. I was told to try the body board since I ve never tried the surf board, but No ... body board is too childish ..... Hahahaha .... The waves were not so big, but I was almost drowned for a few times, so much for "not being childish" .I never gave up though. I kept trying and trying till the last waves. I was among two of the girls in the crowd of surfin and the boys too were not the 'pros'. So nobody could really show off :) . (What I really mean is that I didnt look THAT bad when the waves were 'eating' me up). I managed to catch three waves and I was yelling all the way to the crowd at the end of the big pool. No I didnt get to stand on the board, its good enough that I could get the three waves just by holding tight to the board lying down .. hehe

And I tried the basketball too. I still love basketball eventhough I have not played for ages. Played with my sis for some times before she gave up and I ended up playing with the boys (mind you ..... boys as to age 10-15).

Oh what a day, my sister looked good in her new swim suit. So sexy .. and I ... looked like a secondary school girl ......

I am in Kl and am at my sister's place. Been here since yesterday, running away from the 'hassles'. Not really running, I cant run because the hassles keep following me around, in my thoughts. I feel like I'm loss. Really wish I could talk to myself, to see a different perspective of my own problems .... Friends always come to me for my views and advice, they appreciate me for my ability to listen and give views from angles they had not thought of, and thats why I really feel like talking to "Ann" right now ..................... *sigh*

When my servants question you about me,
tell them that I am near.
I answer their prayers when they call on me;
let them answer my call.
Let them trust in me,
that they may be guided along the path of righteousness.
____________________________

Al-Baqara, Surah 2:186


How soothing the words of Allah are at times when you need them most. Its very true when they say :

When you want to talk to Allah ; Pray.
When you want Allah to talk to you; Read the Quran.

There are times whenever I feel sad and depressed with life and all, I would just open the Quran at random, and there ... inside those verses I would find the soothing words, sometimes describing my feelings, sometimes warning me, and sometimes telling me what life is all about.

I remember there was one time when I was feeling down that my best friend was getting married, afraid that I would be left alone. When I opened the Book, there was this one verse where Allah said "................... everyone of you will come back to me alone....." . I was in tears.

You can have family and friends and everything in life, but when the time come to go back to HIM you will be on your own ......................

Had a crazy day yesterday. Everything seemed to get in the wrong way, my way that is when I was so grouchy and not in the mood. Must be the hormone again. And to add salt to everything my blogger template was accidentally deleted by me, the forever clumsy, and saved. I was close to fainting and all hell almost broke loose when this one temporary staff who chose to bug me at that critical moment with all stupid questions, not realizing that smokes were coming out of my head.

I tried my best to compose myself and fight not to panic. Without looking at the her face, I told the staff I was sorry that I was not in the mood of talking. Calmly, I started to look for the pages of my template, that I, luckily, recently printed, behind all those messy papers and files, and started to type in the format all over again.

Phewww ..... I must say, I'm proud of myself for not loosing my temper and all (...... I was close to loosing it, though ....).

What a day. Spending the whole day with the Tanah Merah kids. Went to the waterfall for a picnic. Stopped by at the cafe for Black Forest and Blueberry cakes. The kids are just cool !

I was listening to mix.fm "perfect match" the other day. They were having this one quiz, where a couple will be put to a test. One will be asked a few questions and later his/her other half will be called to answer the same questions, to see how many of the answers match with his/her other halfs'.

The wife was asked, how would he rate her husband 'physically' in bed, from 1 to 10. Of all the stupid answer she said "6". Imagine the shock of the husband later to find out that hes only been rated "6" by the wife when the wife should have known .... all men think they are "10" in bed .............

Its only a playful quiz; cant think what can happen to the ego of the husband after this .......... It will surely rock the boat ...... hmmmmmmm

What do I look for in a man .... ?

Mak is not happy when I said that the man they re all "shoving" to me is NOT THE ONE. She was asking what is it about him that does not suit my taste. Well for one thing it has nothing to do with taste;... or has it ...?

Its a difficult question for me to answer. I dont look at it as a matter of taste, although taste might have some important role in making the decision. You can have feelings towards people without any concrete reason. Sometimes when you like a person, you just like him and when people ask you why do u like him, you just cant pin point the definite answer. And I am sure there are times in your life when you just dont like a person without any reason at all.

I'm not saying I dont like the guy nor am I saying that I like him. To start with, the whole concept of matchmaking has never been favoured by me. And now, that the whole family is involved, the whole thing has besome like a circus. It hurt me, especially when the relatives were intererogating me and forcing me to accept the decision they have made for me.

Now back to the question : what do I actually look for in a man. My answer will always be RESPECT. I have to respect the man. Which means that he has to earn my respect. And I know its a bit complicated because it will always follow with another question; what makes me respect a man ?

1. Knowledge ;

Someone whom I can talk to about almost everything. Especially on religion. Someone whos open to listen to my view and not being judgmental about it, one who does not live in his own world. He does not have to agree with me, suffice if he can make me agree to disagree, after a lenghty discussion, of course.

2. Firm ;

Firm enough to ignore my times of 'hormonial imbalance' and yet

3. Understanding and kind

... to acknowledge that its part of being a woman and kind enough to accept it ( 'times of hormonial imbalance)

Oh , I dont want to list down EVERYTHING ....... The first I think is enough to be the basis of my respect ........

Be Careful With What You ask For ......... You Might Get it

How many times have we been granted with the things we have asked for. If you carefully observe, you will notice that there were times when the simple asking from God had been granted, be it by way of your prayers, beliefs, or just plain talk and chanting.

But the thing with all these grants is that it follows the simple rule of life " You win some, you loose some. One cannot win everything all the time". Go figure !